I have often wondered where the “Three Date Rule” originated. Was it in the Bible, because I haven’t quite gotten around to reading that yet? Does it go that far back? Were the Three Wise Men wondering around with their frankincense and myrrh talking about their hot dates? Wherever it came from, it should be retired and put to rest. The same goes for “The 3 Day Rule”. Dating is challenging enough as it is and then you are supposed to remember all of “the rules”? No stinkin way!
I can only surmise that the 3 date rule was made up by a bunch of horny guys. Some men actually think because they have taken you out to dinner that a girl “owes” them something. The only thing a gal should feel obligated to give is a nice hearty thank you. Maybe the rules are different depending on the age group. If being in your 20’s is anything like when I was in my 20’s, it’s a free for all. I am not, and neither are most of my friends, in that age category and we deserve more respect. I will sleep with you when and if I feel like it, no matter how much time and money you have exerted. If you want something for your hard earned money, get a hooker. It’s much less complicated unless of course you are Charlie Sheen.
How long should a guy wait to call a girl? If you like her pick up the friggin phone and call her! I believe dudes think by waiting 3 days to call it makes them not seem desperate, when really it just makes you seem uninterested. Three days is just long enough for her to forget why she liked you in the first place. If you call and she doesn’t pick up, leave a message. Don’t keep calling and waiting for her to pick up, that WILL make you look desperate. I am fairly certain caller ID was invented by a woman and a call log on your phone, by her sister.
The point to all of this? Be original, be yourself and do what you feel is right, not what society deems correct. If you do this, you won’t be single for long.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Right Smell
When Macey got back in the dating pool I wanted to save her some of the pain I went through. There are hours and hours of my life I will never get back and I have tried to impart my vast wisdom on her. One of the things I have uttered countless times is to know what you can and can’t put up with in a potential suitor. We all have varying degrees of what we can tolerate and possibly live with forever, and things we cannot.
About a week ago I saw an episode of True Life on MTV and the subject was fetishes. I wasn’t completely sure what I was in for but just writing about it makes me gag a little. One young man had a foot fetish…not a “hey I love how your feet look in those stilettos” shoe fetish, a full on foot proclivity. Some lucky girl not only had to have a pretty foot but, had to have the right smell. I watched a fair amount of the show threw my fingers. Yes, I could have changed the channel but then I never would have known if he found the right…gag…smell. Well, he didn’t and I couldn’t bring myself to watch the second part of the show; a gal who was into wearing animal costumes everywhere she went.
There are most certainly things I put up with that I would never deal with now. One of my boyfriends used to blow his nose into his t-shirts. It didn’t matter if they were clean or lying on the floor, they were all fair game. I have a thing about phlegm and mucus and this grossed me out in untold ways. If he’s too lazy to get a box of Kleenex or for the love of God, some toilet paper, that didn’t bode well for he and I. I am proud to say that in 7 years together my husband has never once abused any kind of shirt with snot.
I knew a girl who had a problem with a guy she dated because the first time they met, he was wearing a corduroy jacket with elbow patches…and he was nowhere near British. She eventually got over her fear of bad fashion and they have been married for many years now. I have a friend that has a thing about men’s shoes; if she doesn’t like them, there will probably not be another rendezvous. Superficial, most certainly but, it’s their preference and who am I to judge?
You really have to figure out who you are and what is or is not okay when you are dating. Shoes and clothes can be changed but personality quirks can’t. We all want to be loved for who we are idiosyncrasies and all. It just may take some of us longer to find the right…ack…smell.
About a week ago I saw an episode of True Life on MTV and the subject was fetishes. I wasn’t completely sure what I was in for but just writing about it makes me gag a little. One young man had a foot fetish…not a “hey I love how your feet look in those stilettos” shoe fetish, a full on foot proclivity. Some lucky girl not only had to have a pretty foot but, had to have the right smell. I watched a fair amount of the show threw my fingers. Yes, I could have changed the channel but then I never would have known if he found the right…gag…smell. Well, he didn’t and I couldn’t bring myself to watch the second part of the show; a gal who was into wearing animal costumes everywhere she went.
There are most certainly things I put up with that I would never deal with now. One of my boyfriends used to blow his nose into his t-shirts. It didn’t matter if they were clean or lying on the floor, they were all fair game. I have a thing about phlegm and mucus and this grossed me out in untold ways. If he’s too lazy to get a box of Kleenex or for the love of God, some toilet paper, that didn’t bode well for he and I. I am proud to say that in 7 years together my husband has never once abused any kind of shirt with snot.
I knew a girl who had a problem with a guy she dated because the first time they met, he was wearing a corduroy jacket with elbow patches…and he was nowhere near British. She eventually got over her fear of bad fashion and they have been married for many years now. I have a friend that has a thing about men’s shoes; if she doesn’t like them, there will probably not be another rendezvous. Superficial, most certainly but, it’s their preference and who am I to judge?
You really have to figure out who you are and what is or is not okay when you are dating. Shoes and clothes can be changed but personality quirks can’t. We all want to be loved for who we are idiosyncrasies and all. It just may take some of us longer to find the right…ack…smell.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Never Assume
When I look back on my dating experience there are a lot of things that stick out. One of things that always seemed to be a gray area was, when the parties involved considered themselves to be in a relationship. I definitely found out that everyone has their own idea of when you are an “official couple”.
One gentleman I actually only went on 5 or 6 dates with. We got along great from the beginning and I even met some of his family on our first date which was probably one of the downfalls. Things were progressing quicker than I now know I was ready for. When he mentioned being in love on the third or fourth date I was ready to bolt. I was just barely at “I like him a lot” and love was nowhere in sight for me. I eventually broke it off with him and I am ashamed to say, I did not do it in the best way. To this day, this is something I still feel bad about. I did speak to him close to a year later and when he asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him I had just broken up with someone I had been seeing for 8 months. He commented that at least it had lasted longer than our relationship. I had no idea we were actually in a relationship.
As far as I am concerned, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend until we have had “the talk”. I try never to assume anything and as long as we haven’t talked about it, I consider myself and the other person, a free agent. He can surmise that I am dating other people and will continue to do so, as long as we are not exclusive. I also don’t assume that just because I am sleeping with someone, we are in a relationship. I don’t take sex as a casual matter so, I had to know or come to a mutual agreement about where we stood, before getting jiggy with it.
Then there was Dick. I got more emails and phone calls than dates with Dick. I actually only had 2 face-to-face meetings with him. I liked Dick, thought he had boyfriend potential but, I need to physically see someone more than twice to know for sure. While we were getting to know each other, Dick took a trip to Miami with friends. Dick called me a couple of times while on vacation which I thought was nice. After he got back I received more phone calls and more emails and I was getting annoyed. I explained to Dick that I needed to actually see someone to date them and I was a little flummoxed by his response. Apparently because he called me while on vacation, I was supposed to know that we were in a relationship. Again, I had no knowledge that I was in a relationship. I did not realize that phoning while on vacation with other people was guy talk for “we are a couple”. NO IDEA. Needless to say, Dick and I did not last and I moved on… or maybe we are still in a relationship and I just don’t know it.
The point I am trying to make is; dating takes communication and common sense from both parties involved. You know what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me.
One gentleman I actually only went on 5 or 6 dates with. We got along great from the beginning and I even met some of his family on our first date which was probably one of the downfalls. Things were progressing quicker than I now know I was ready for. When he mentioned being in love on the third or fourth date I was ready to bolt. I was just barely at “I like him a lot” and love was nowhere in sight for me. I eventually broke it off with him and I am ashamed to say, I did not do it in the best way. To this day, this is something I still feel bad about. I did speak to him close to a year later and when he asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him I had just broken up with someone I had been seeing for 8 months. He commented that at least it had lasted longer than our relationship. I had no idea we were actually in a relationship.
As far as I am concerned, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend until we have had “the talk”. I try never to assume anything and as long as we haven’t talked about it, I consider myself and the other person, a free agent. He can surmise that I am dating other people and will continue to do so, as long as we are not exclusive. I also don’t assume that just because I am sleeping with someone, we are in a relationship. I don’t take sex as a casual matter so, I had to know or come to a mutual agreement about where we stood, before getting jiggy with it.
Then there was Dick. I got more emails and phone calls than dates with Dick. I actually only had 2 face-to-face meetings with him. I liked Dick, thought he had boyfriend potential but, I need to physically see someone more than twice to know for sure. While we were getting to know each other, Dick took a trip to Miami with friends. Dick called me a couple of times while on vacation which I thought was nice. After he got back I received more phone calls and more emails and I was getting annoyed. I explained to Dick that I needed to actually see someone to date them and I was a little flummoxed by his response. Apparently because he called me while on vacation, I was supposed to know that we were in a relationship. Again, I had no knowledge that I was in a relationship. I did not realize that phoning while on vacation with other people was guy talk for “we are a couple”. NO IDEA. Needless to say, Dick and I did not last and I moved on… or maybe we are still in a relationship and I just don’t know it.
The point I am trying to make is; dating takes communication and common sense from both parties involved. You know what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Millionaire Matchmaker
There are so many daters out in the world that will remain single, just because they can’t open their minds to possibility. They can’t look past an outfit, haircut or kind of car someone drives and immediately deem those people a waste of their time. And then there are those who believe they have only one “type” of person they can date. They have to have a certain body type, hair color, facial hair or share an undying love for penguins. If you are not willing to be open minded and go outside your own box, you will be single for a long ass time. I used to think I had a type too…not so much. I was always open to any race but I was focused on big, white, teddy bear type guys and the bigger the better. The first date with my now husband I fell head over heels for him, and he is neither white nor large. He is however, the perfect man for me and I love him like crazy. All of this because I decided to go outside of my comfort zone…crazy.
Last week I watched the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. To be fair I watch it every chance I get because it is like a shiny object; I just can’t look away. Patti Stanger is a self-professed third generation matchmaker and all I can say is, I hope the other generations have had more success than she has. Patti and her “staff” have no qualms telling her millionaires and their potential love interests, exactly what is physically wrong with them. It is irony at its best, considering what she and her staff have going on. Patti is in her late 40’s but dresses like she shops at Forever 21. Her “natural” lips get in the door 10 minutes before the rest of her does. She is also single so, how good can she really be? Her staff on the show consists of a stubby, bug-eyed, goth-ish guy with a gravity defying hair do. His girlfriend/wife/baby mama has violet colored sausage bangs and more often than not, sports a bandana do-rag. With all of that being said, Patti is spot on when giving her clients advice; she just rarely seems to make matches.
The last episode I saw they had their first plus size million-heiress. Being a fluffy chick myself, I was curious to see how she faired and let me just say, it was not pretty. Robin had a lot of things going for her and a lot of things working against her, least of all in my opinion, was her size. She owns her own successful business and is um, perky. Robin also has a Hello Kitty obsession, an almost entirely pink apartment and took one of her small dogs to get Botox...say what? In addition to all of this, she was drunk in the 3 out of 4 segments I saw her on and she has one of the scariest smiles I have ever seen. You know how a horse pulls up his/her lips when you are about to give them a carrot, and shows all of his/her gums and teeth? That is the best way I can explain her smile and she used it a lot…which would generally be a good thing but just got creepier as time progressed. So, Robin was looking for a “Jewish Matthew McConaughey”, no problem there, right? Patti picks some guys and has a mixer for this chick. Robin proceeds to drink wine through a straw, use her scary smile and picks 2 men for her “mini-dates”. She ends up picking the “hot” guy and not the dude who was clearly perfect for her and even seemed interested. When Patti asked Robin why she picked him she said, “Because he’s hot”. They go on a date, she gets tipsy and he proceeds to tell her he needs a backer for a business venture. During dinner Robin continues to tell this moron how hot he is and not only can she help him with money for a business, she will buy him a Maserati. It continues to go downhill when he tells her he’s really an asshole and she tells him she loves assholes. THEN, she tells him she wants to have sex with him and he asks for a hand job under the table…which she may or may not have been doing already. Robin thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread, Patti tells her she’s an idiot and Robin plans on going on more dates with Maserati Man.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because this bimbo is one french fry short of a happy meal. In my opinion the only reason she wants a hot guy is to make her feel better about herself. She passed up the one man that was perfect for her because she wanted a certain type of man. Robin did not care about anything other than superficial bs and that’s why she is still single.
Unbelievably great people come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors. If you don’t take your blinders off and step outside of your tiny box, you will be sipping wine through a straw with Robin.
Last week I watched the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. To be fair I watch it every chance I get because it is like a shiny object; I just can’t look away. Patti Stanger is a self-professed third generation matchmaker and all I can say is, I hope the other generations have had more success than she has. Patti and her “staff” have no qualms telling her millionaires and their potential love interests, exactly what is physically wrong with them. It is irony at its best, considering what she and her staff have going on. Patti is in her late 40’s but dresses like she shops at Forever 21. Her “natural” lips get in the door 10 minutes before the rest of her does. She is also single so, how good can she really be? Her staff on the show consists of a stubby, bug-eyed, goth-ish guy with a gravity defying hair do. His girlfriend/wife/baby mama has violet colored sausage bangs and more often than not, sports a bandana do-rag. With all of that being said, Patti is spot on when giving her clients advice; she just rarely seems to make matches.
The last episode I saw they had their first plus size million-heiress. Being a fluffy chick myself, I was curious to see how she faired and let me just say, it was not pretty. Robin had a lot of things going for her and a lot of things working against her, least of all in my opinion, was her size. She owns her own successful business and is um, perky. Robin also has a Hello Kitty obsession, an almost entirely pink apartment and took one of her small dogs to get Botox...say what? In addition to all of this, she was drunk in the 3 out of 4 segments I saw her on and she has one of the scariest smiles I have ever seen. You know how a horse pulls up his/her lips when you are about to give them a carrot, and shows all of his/her gums and teeth? That is the best way I can explain her smile and she used it a lot…which would generally be a good thing but just got creepier as time progressed. So, Robin was looking for a “Jewish Matthew McConaughey”, no problem there, right? Patti picks some guys and has a mixer for this chick. Robin proceeds to drink wine through a straw, use her scary smile and picks 2 men for her “mini-dates”. She ends up picking the “hot” guy and not the dude who was clearly perfect for her and even seemed interested. When Patti asked Robin why she picked him she said, “Because he’s hot”. They go on a date, she gets tipsy and he proceeds to tell her he needs a backer for a business venture. During dinner Robin continues to tell this moron how hot he is and not only can she help him with money for a business, she will buy him a Maserati. It continues to go downhill when he tells her he’s really an asshole and she tells him she loves assholes. THEN, she tells him she wants to have sex with him and he asks for a hand job under the table…which she may or may not have been doing already. Robin thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread, Patti tells her she’s an idiot and Robin plans on going on more dates with Maserati Man.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because this bimbo is one french fry short of a happy meal. In my opinion the only reason she wants a hot guy is to make her feel better about herself. She passed up the one man that was perfect for her because she wanted a certain type of man. Robin did not care about anything other than superficial bs and that’s why she is still single.
Unbelievably great people come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors. If you don’t take your blinders off and step outside of your tiny box, you will be sipping wine through a straw with Robin.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Love Is A Battlefield
They say everyone deserves love but I do not necessarily feel the same way. I do not think Charles Manson, Richard Ramirez, or Scott Peterson deserve a little help from Cupid. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others and some are most certainly forgivable. On the other hand, there are many errors in judgment that I could not look past. When you are dating, you have to know where your boundaries are.
I believe I was pretty fortunate when I was looking for adoration on-line. I didn’t come across anyone (at least that I know of) who had committed any felonies or required a probation officer. Macey, has not been quite as fortunate. She came across a couple of men that stick out in my mind.
The first guy was someone Macey was actually excited about…I have made reference to this individual in a different post. They had been communicating for a while and had finally made a date to meet for coffee. He came across as fairly “normal” on their first date and she thought things were going well, and then he dropped the bomb. He told Macey he had something to tell her but could not do it face-to-face; he would go right home and send her an email. She called me on her way home and we came up with all kinds of things it could be; he was married, used to be a female(my personal favorite) or had a history of mental issues. We were not even close. It turned out he was a convicted sex offender and was even wearing an ankle bracelet on their date, but had long pants on and she never saw it. I don’t feel that it’s my place to get into all of the particulars but, he definitely tried to downplay his circumstances and appeared to believe he was a victim of a crappy childhood. I know people that have had far worse childhoods, and are productive citizens who have never been convicted of a felony. If your name comes up on a California sex offenders website, I am really sure I don’t want to date you…regardless of the circumstances. You were convicted and found guilty, that’s enough for me.
The most recent guy was not really a surprise to me. I know this is blatant stereotyping but, this is my blog and I call them like I see them. He looked like he had spent some time going through our judicial system. He and Macey exchanged several emails via a dating site and he finally came clean. He had spent 3 years in prison for a bar fight and apparently his opponent did not fair so well. He did not get into specifics but did try minimize his crime and said that he had a good lawyer who got him a deal. The DA wanted to put him away for 14 years. This says a few things to me…you need anger management, or rehab, and you did more than just get into a bar brawl. He assured Macey that she would “always feel safe” with him and I am sure she would, he could just beat the shit out of anyone bothering her. Personally, I may have been more open to seeing past that had he been a young man when this happened but, he was in his late 40’s and this had happened in the last few years.
As far as I am concerned, neither one of these guys should be on a dating site. They should be trying to get their shit together or at least waiting until you are no longer on parole. The moral of me writing about this is to make people aware and be careful when you are dating, especially on-line. If something feels off, it’s because something is. Don’t give out your personal information until you have at least gotten a feel for someone. Do I think one deserves a second chance and one does not, yes I do…with someone else’s friend.
I believe I was pretty fortunate when I was looking for adoration on-line. I didn’t come across anyone (at least that I know of) who had committed any felonies or required a probation officer. Macey, has not been quite as fortunate. She came across a couple of men that stick out in my mind.
The first guy was someone Macey was actually excited about…I have made reference to this individual in a different post. They had been communicating for a while and had finally made a date to meet for coffee. He came across as fairly “normal” on their first date and she thought things were going well, and then he dropped the bomb. He told Macey he had something to tell her but could not do it face-to-face; he would go right home and send her an email. She called me on her way home and we came up with all kinds of things it could be; he was married, used to be a female(my personal favorite) or had a history of mental issues. We were not even close. It turned out he was a convicted sex offender and was even wearing an ankle bracelet on their date, but had long pants on and she never saw it. I don’t feel that it’s my place to get into all of the particulars but, he definitely tried to downplay his circumstances and appeared to believe he was a victim of a crappy childhood. I know people that have had far worse childhoods, and are productive citizens who have never been convicted of a felony. If your name comes up on a California sex offenders website, I am really sure I don’t want to date you…regardless of the circumstances. You were convicted and found guilty, that’s enough for me.
The most recent guy was not really a surprise to me. I know this is blatant stereotyping but, this is my blog and I call them like I see them. He looked like he had spent some time going through our judicial system. He and Macey exchanged several emails via a dating site and he finally came clean. He had spent 3 years in prison for a bar fight and apparently his opponent did not fair so well. He did not get into specifics but did try minimize his crime and said that he had a good lawyer who got him a deal. The DA wanted to put him away for 14 years. This says a few things to me…you need anger management, or rehab, and you did more than just get into a bar brawl. He assured Macey that she would “always feel safe” with him and I am sure she would, he could just beat the shit out of anyone bothering her. Personally, I may have been more open to seeing past that had he been a young man when this happened but, he was in his late 40’s and this had happened in the last few years.
As far as I am concerned, neither one of these guys should be on a dating site. They should be trying to get their shit together or at least waiting until you are no longer on parole. The moral of me writing about this is to make people aware and be careful when you are dating, especially on-line. If something feels off, it’s because something is. Don’t give out your personal information until you have at least gotten a feel for someone. Do I think one deserves a second chance and one does not, yes I do…with someone else’s friend.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Beer Goggles
How many people scrambled to come up with a New Year’s resolution last night? I for one, did not. I decided long ago that if there was something I wanted to change, I didn’t need an “occasion” for it. This past year I have struggled with the expectations I have of the people in my life. In other words, I don’t want to have any. No matter the strength or length of the relationship, I am more often than not, let down. I am certain that I have also let my peeps down and been placed on someone’s shit list. I’m really striving to be the best me I can be and I just want to be loved for who I am, regardless of my short comings.
When I was dating I often heard and uttered the words “I just want someone to love me for who I am”. Yet it seems when it comes to dating, we become more of what we think other people will like. We’re on our best behavior, wearing our best outfits and minding our manners. We say we like food we don’t, fudge the amount of exercise we do, and tell people it’s really not weird that they enjoy eating chalk.
How wonderfully refreshing would it be to throw caution to the wind, and be 100% yourself on a date. You could show up in your sweats and favorite holey t-shirt with bra optional. Guys could show up in baggy shorts with their favorite “Mount and Dew Me” shirts, can eat with their fingers and fart whenever inspired. A dude could tell his date that he won’t be seeing her again because her boobs are too small and you saw a picture of her sister, and thought she was hotter. Gals could tell a fellow they really don’t make enough money and that Red Lobster is not a classy date. I know you’re imagining it right now and kind of giggling to yourself…I am too.
I realize this is just a mere fantasy and will never, in any way, ever be a reality. Let’s face it…with beer goggles everyone may be prettier at closing time but, the morning after is always a shock. Cheers!
When I was dating I often heard and uttered the words “I just want someone to love me for who I am”. Yet it seems when it comes to dating, we become more of what we think other people will like. We’re on our best behavior, wearing our best outfits and minding our manners. We say we like food we don’t, fudge the amount of exercise we do, and tell people it’s really not weird that they enjoy eating chalk.
How wonderfully refreshing would it be to throw caution to the wind, and be 100% yourself on a date. You could show up in your sweats and favorite holey t-shirt with bra optional. Guys could show up in baggy shorts with their favorite “Mount and Dew Me” shirts, can eat with their fingers and fart whenever inspired. A dude could tell his date that he won’t be seeing her again because her boobs are too small and you saw a picture of her sister, and thought she was hotter. Gals could tell a fellow they really don’t make enough money and that Red Lobster is not a classy date. I know you’re imagining it right now and kind of giggling to yourself…I am too.
I realize this is just a mere fantasy and will never, in any way, ever be a reality. Let’s face it…with beer goggles everyone may be prettier at closing time but, the morning after is always a shock. Cheers!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Really?
My darling gal pal Macey took a short break from dating and I inadvertently took one from blogging…shame on me.
Macey is back on the fast track to finding love or as I like to call it, House of Internet Horror. What the French is wrong with people?! There always seem to be a few idiots that have to send crude responses to personal ads and it really chaps my hide. Some people are truly looking for someone to give their hearts to and these idiots feel the need to be sexually and often explicitly nauseating. Take your hand out of your pants, go upstairs (because we all know you still live in your parent’s basement), ask Mommy if you can borrow $20 bucks and go get a hooker to blow you. Seriously, you are all a bunch morons and should never be allowed access to any kind of electronic device.
I have been trying to help Macey weed through all of her many potential suitors, and it’s not always pretty. There are a few things (there are actually many, many things but we don’t have time for them all) that continue to befuddle and amuse me at the same time. Here they are in no certain order;
Why do men post/send pictures with other women in them? I especially like the ones where it is painfully obvious you tried to cut/crop/Photoshop the other woman out. The pictures are not in Braille, we can actually see other parts of the person.
My other favorite photo blunder is the self-portrait. If you are going to take a picture with your webcam, could you back up a little? Why are you taking a picture of yourself in a mirror? Can’t you call a friend to help you out? A half-naked picture, really? Please, for the love of God, put your friggin shirt back on.
If you have the San Quentin look? I am going to ascertain you have been to prison and I am usually going to be correct.
There is this incredible new invention and it’s called Spell Check, have you heard of it? I didn’t think so.
If ur 2 lazy 2 type a full word, what would make me want to consider going out with you?
Neither Macey nor I need or want to know about your supposed sexual prowess. Just because your sister says you are a great kisser, doesn’t make it so.
Please give me longer than 5 minutes to reply to you. Sending me multiple emails asking why I haven’t responded isn’t going to endear you to me. Patience is a virtue, or so I am told.
I have to give Macey mad props for hanging in there and fighting the good fight. There is a lid for every pot and I am going to hang in there with you, no matter how long it takes.
Macey is back on the fast track to finding love or as I like to call it, House of Internet Horror. What the French is wrong with people?! There always seem to be a few idiots that have to send crude responses to personal ads and it really chaps my hide. Some people are truly looking for someone to give their hearts to and these idiots feel the need to be sexually and often explicitly nauseating. Take your hand out of your pants, go upstairs (because we all know you still live in your parent’s basement), ask Mommy if you can borrow $20 bucks and go get a hooker to blow you. Seriously, you are all a bunch morons and should never be allowed access to any kind of electronic device.
I have been trying to help Macey weed through all of her many potential suitors, and it’s not always pretty. There are a few things (there are actually many, many things but we don’t have time for them all) that continue to befuddle and amuse me at the same time. Here they are in no certain order;
Why do men post/send pictures with other women in them? I especially like the ones where it is painfully obvious you tried to cut/crop/Photoshop the other woman out. The pictures are not in Braille, we can actually see other parts of the person.
My other favorite photo blunder is the self-portrait. If you are going to take a picture with your webcam, could you back up a little? Why are you taking a picture of yourself in a mirror? Can’t you call a friend to help you out? A half-naked picture, really? Please, for the love of God, put your friggin shirt back on.
If you have the San Quentin look? I am going to ascertain you have been to prison and I am usually going to be correct.
There is this incredible new invention and it’s called Spell Check, have you heard of it? I didn’t think so.
If ur 2 lazy 2 type a full word, what would make me want to consider going out with you?
Neither Macey nor I need or want to know about your supposed sexual prowess. Just because your sister says you are a great kisser, doesn’t make it so.
Please give me longer than 5 minutes to reply to you. Sending me multiple emails asking why I haven’t responded isn’t going to endear you to me. Patience is a virtue, or so I am told.
I have to give Macey mad props for hanging in there and fighting the good fight. There is a lid for every pot and I am going to hang in there with you, no matter how long it takes.
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