When I think of ever having to be single again, it makes me want to projectile vomit. If this horrific situation were to ever happen, I would have to make a trek to the nunnery and pledge my allegiance…or whatever they do. If the nuns didn’t want me (and who could blame them), I would most certainly become the weird lady with 85 cats and a closet full of housecoats.
I know there are people walking around professing that they love being single and that they choose to be solitary. I think these people are full of poop and just say this to feel better about themselves. People remain single for many reasons; career, children, a long prison sentence, or that pesky ankle bracelet. You are not choosing to be single; you are choosing to make other things your priority. Dating is a full time, labor intensive job that can make the strongest individual cower in the fetal position. I do not ever want to waste another minute of my life, waiting for the phone to ring. I wouldn’t want to spend one more second worrying about why he didn’t call. I could not bring myself to condemn my actions or lack of judgment one more time.
I know myself so much better than I did 10 years ago. I know what I want, who I want to be around, what is important and what is too trivial to bother with. I also know what I am willing to put up with and what I am no longer letting into my life. I would be a different dater now for sure.
They say the grass is always greener on the other side. I love my grass the way it is, with my husband mowing it.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Do-Se-Do
This past weekend I watched the movie Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges. In a nutshell it’s about a used to be famous Country and Western singer, who loses his way. It got me thinking about my time in the Country and Western world.
From 1987 to 1993 I lived in Minnesota. I left California a straight hair, Levi wearing, pop music girl and returned a blondish, permed, cowboy boot wearing, country girl. I fully learned how to cowboy up. There were a lot of firsts for me in the Great Frozen Tundra. First pair of boots, first pair of Wranglers so tight underwear was not optional and the first of many, many perms. The first time I fell in love, had sex (sorry if my brother is reading this) learned to line dance and two step. I was just shy of 20 and I was ready to rumble.
Looking back I remember how much easier dating was back then. There was no mass technology and the only way a date could be made was over the phone or in person. You didn’t put someone’s number in your Blackberry, you actually had to use skills you had acquired in school and…gasp…write it on a piece of paper or cocktail napkin. This was a time before the 3 day “rule” and a precursor to being a “playa”. Men and women went on dates and actually started relationships. A computer was still something that you only used at work and a pager was high tech. I don’t remember being really interested in a relationship or shacking up. I had a great group of friends, ran wild and enjoyed every minute of it.
I of course had no idea that 10 years later I would be trying to find love on the Internet. I could not fathom how hard it would be to find a genuine person or the degrees of change in dating. The 80’s and early 90’s may have been a terrible time in sense of fashion and hair but, things were much less convoluted.
I miss the days of simplicity.
From 1987 to 1993 I lived in Minnesota. I left California a straight hair, Levi wearing, pop music girl and returned a blondish, permed, cowboy boot wearing, country girl. I fully learned how to cowboy up. There were a lot of firsts for me in the Great Frozen Tundra. First pair of boots, first pair of Wranglers so tight underwear was not optional and the first of many, many perms. The first time I fell in love, had sex (sorry if my brother is reading this) learned to line dance and two step. I was just shy of 20 and I was ready to rumble.
Looking back I remember how much easier dating was back then. There was no mass technology and the only way a date could be made was over the phone or in person. You didn’t put someone’s number in your Blackberry, you actually had to use skills you had acquired in school and…gasp…write it on a piece of paper or cocktail napkin. This was a time before the 3 day “rule” and a precursor to being a “playa”. Men and women went on dates and actually started relationships. A computer was still something that you only used at work and a pager was high tech. I don’t remember being really interested in a relationship or shacking up. I had a great group of friends, ran wild and enjoyed every minute of it.
I of course had no idea that 10 years later I would be trying to find love on the Internet. I could not fathom how hard it would be to find a genuine person or the degrees of change in dating. The 80’s and early 90’s may have been a terrible time in sense of fashion and hair but, things were much less convoluted.
I miss the days of simplicity.
Friday, August 6, 2010
LTR
It has come to my attention recently that the phrase, “Long Term Relationship”, can be interpreted in many different ways. If you post an add online or have a profile up on a dating site, LTR can be used very loosely. I had no idea. I was of the mindset that it meant you were actually looking for a relationship…silly me.
Macey has been struggling in this portion of the dating game. Her profile clearly states she is in the market for a LTR and the individuals she is chatting with/meeting also say this is what they are looking for. They are Big Fat Liars. In my opinion (i.e.; the real shit), the majority of guys posting put LTR because they think that’s what women want to hear. They actually presume that if they take you out, pay for dinner and try to charm your socks off, that a gal will be willing (obligated) to sleep with them. Well, not my Macey. She is in it to win it and won’t be dropping her drawers for any of you losers.
Dating would be so much easier if people would just be honest. Looking for a booty call, just say it. Looking for a threesome, go on and put it out there. You’re lazy and don’t want to put much effort into dating but expect to find someone with substance anyway, shout it to the people. Just don’t do the following and think you are in any way going to win the heart of anyone with a brain;
Text more than you actually see me or talk to me
Say you are going to call…then don’t…then never even mention it…then text me
Want me to come over to your house after only a couple of dates. I know it’s not because you want to show me your cool Star Wars action figures
Call me at 9pm asking me to meet you for a drink and “whatever else we can think of”
Call me, mention getting together after you take your “daughter” out for her birthday and say you will call around 8pm. You never called, never brought it up and I know you weren’t out with your “daughter”
Macey deserves far better than she is getting. I told her not to settle and there is no reason why she should…she is the total package. I let her know she should be with dudes that make her feel like the cool chick she is. You want to be the butter to his bread, the mac to his cheese, the jalapeno to his pepper and the chip to his dip.
Great, now I’m hungry.
Macey has been struggling in this portion of the dating game. Her profile clearly states she is in the market for a LTR and the individuals she is chatting with/meeting also say this is what they are looking for. They are Big Fat Liars. In my opinion (i.e.; the real shit), the majority of guys posting put LTR because they think that’s what women want to hear. They actually presume that if they take you out, pay for dinner and try to charm your socks off, that a gal will be willing (obligated) to sleep with them. Well, not my Macey. She is in it to win it and won’t be dropping her drawers for any of you losers.
Dating would be so much easier if people would just be honest. Looking for a booty call, just say it. Looking for a threesome, go on and put it out there. You’re lazy and don’t want to put much effort into dating but expect to find someone with substance anyway, shout it to the people. Just don’t do the following and think you are in any way going to win the heart of anyone with a brain;
Text more than you actually see me or talk to me
Say you are going to call…then don’t…then never even mention it…then text me
Want me to come over to your house after only a couple of dates. I know it’s not because you want to show me your cool Star Wars action figures
Call me at 9pm asking me to meet you for a drink and “whatever else we can think of”
Call me, mention getting together after you take your “daughter” out for her birthday and say you will call around 8pm. You never called, never brought it up and I know you weren’t out with your “daughter”
Macey deserves far better than she is getting. I told her not to settle and there is no reason why she should…she is the total package. I let her know she should be with dudes that make her feel like the cool chick she is. You want to be the butter to his bread, the mac to his cheese, the jalapeno to his pepper and the chip to his dip.
Great, now I’m hungry.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Glass Is Half Full My Ass
I am a glass is half empty kind of gal and my friend Macey is a glass half full girl. She wants to see the best in people and believes a lot of what she is told. I am skeptical to the bone, especially with people I barely know and to be perfectly honest, it has served me fairly well over the years. I do not consider myself naïve or easily deceived and maybe because of Macey’s good nature, she has been duped a time or two in the land of dating.
People can be whomever they choose to be online and on the phone. A guy (or girl) can come across as charming and full of whit on the phone and then when you actually meet, you are left wondering where that person has gone. What you think will be a great date turns into a silenced filled, wish I would have worn stretch pants, hope I never told him where I live debacle. It happens to the best of us. I told Macey from the beginning that she should never talk or email longer than a week. If things are not progressing and he isn’t asking you out, it just isn’t going to happen. We have deemed this type of man, the Lazy Dater. He wants to send random emails for a while, and then he might want to go crazy and actually talk on the phone. If he is really lackadaisical, he will move into texting as a form of communication and before you know it weeks will have gone by and you still haven’t even met him.
There are of course exceptions to every rule. There is also the overeager crowd who wants to talk right away and then stalks you. He calls at all hours and doesn’t leave a message, finds you online and wants to know if you are avoiding him. Then there is an entire category of mankind that should not, under any circumstance be trying to date at all.
Macey met a gentleman on a dating website and had great conversations with him. He seemed relatively normal and they got along quite well. They finally met for coffee and things were going well until he dropped the mother of all bombs. He had something that he wanted to tell her but, he couldn’t do it face to face and was going to go home and write her an email…the biggest red flag ever. They hugged and kissed (another faux pas …never kiss on the first “meet” date) and as soon as she got in her car she called me. We analyzed the shit out this one. Having a vivid imagination is not always a good thing and there is no way we could have ever seen this one coming. It turns out that he was a registered sex offender. He had been arrested and convicted of “flashing” young girls and women. I wish it had been as trivial as he portrayed it to be. I won’t get into all of the details but, he was doing more than flashing and it was premeditated.
Macey was pretty devastated but not nearly as much as I was when she told me she had to think about the situation…whether she wanted to see him again. He played it so he was the victim and being the sweet natured gal that she is, she wanted to believe him. Thankfully she reclaimed her brain and has not seen or heard from this maniac again.
The moral to this story? Skepticism is not a bad thing and never kiss on the first date; you have no idea where that other person has been.
People can be whomever they choose to be online and on the phone. A guy (or girl) can come across as charming and full of whit on the phone and then when you actually meet, you are left wondering where that person has gone. What you think will be a great date turns into a silenced filled, wish I would have worn stretch pants, hope I never told him where I live debacle. It happens to the best of us. I told Macey from the beginning that she should never talk or email longer than a week. If things are not progressing and he isn’t asking you out, it just isn’t going to happen. We have deemed this type of man, the Lazy Dater. He wants to send random emails for a while, and then he might want to go crazy and actually talk on the phone. If he is really lackadaisical, he will move into texting as a form of communication and before you know it weeks will have gone by and you still haven’t even met him.
There are of course exceptions to every rule. There is also the overeager crowd who wants to talk right away and then stalks you. He calls at all hours and doesn’t leave a message, finds you online and wants to know if you are avoiding him. Then there is an entire category of mankind that should not, under any circumstance be trying to date at all.
Macey met a gentleman on a dating website and had great conversations with him. He seemed relatively normal and they got along quite well. They finally met for coffee and things were going well until he dropped the mother of all bombs. He had something that he wanted to tell her but, he couldn’t do it face to face and was going to go home and write her an email…the biggest red flag ever. They hugged and kissed (another faux pas …never kiss on the first “meet” date) and as soon as she got in her car she called me. We analyzed the shit out this one. Having a vivid imagination is not always a good thing and there is no way we could have ever seen this one coming. It turns out that he was a registered sex offender. He had been arrested and convicted of “flashing” young girls and women. I wish it had been as trivial as he portrayed it to be. I won’t get into all of the details but, he was doing more than flashing and it was premeditated.
Macey was pretty devastated but not nearly as much as I was when she told me she had to think about the situation…whether she wanted to see him again. He played it so he was the victim and being the sweet natured gal that she is, she wanted to believe him. Thankfully she reclaimed her brain and has not seen or heard from this maniac again.
The moral to this story? Skepticism is not a bad thing and never kiss on the first date; you have no idea where that other person has been.
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