Never Assume

When I look back on my dating experience there are a lot of things that stick out. One of things that always seemed to be a gray area was, when the parties involved considered themselves to be in a relationship. I definitely found out that everyone has their own idea of when you are an “official couple”.

One gentleman I actually only went on 5 or 6 dates with. We got along great from the beginning and I even met some of his family on our first date which was probably one of the downfalls. Things were progressing quicker than I now know I was ready for. When he mentioned being in love on the third or fourth date I was ready to bolt. I was just barely at “I like him a lot” and love was nowhere in sight for me. I eventually broke it off with him and I am ashamed to say, I did not do it in the best way. To this day, this is something I still feel bad about. I did speak to him close to a year later and when he asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him I had just broken up with someone I had been seeing for 8 months. He commented that at least it had lasted longer than our relationship. I had no idea we were actually in a relationship.

As far as I am concerned, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend until we have had “the talk”. I try never to assume anything and as long as we haven’t talked about it, I consider myself and the other person, a free agent. He can surmise that I am dating other people and will continue to do so, as long as we are not exclusive. I also don’t assume that just because I am sleeping with someone, we are in a relationship. I don’t take sex as a casual matter so, I had to know or come to a mutual agreement about where we stood, before getting jiggy with it.

Then there was Dick. I got more emails and phone calls than dates with Dick. I actually only had 2 face-to-face meetings with him. I liked Dick, thought he had boyfriend potential but, I need to physically see someone more than twice to know for sure. While we were getting to know each other, Dick took a trip to Miami with friends. Dick called me a couple of times while on vacation which I thought was nice. After he got back I received more phone calls and more emails and I was getting annoyed. I explained to Dick that I needed to actually see someone to date them and I was a little flummoxed by his response. Apparently because he called me while on vacation, I was supposed to know that we were in a relationship. Again, I had no knowledge that I was in a relationship. I did not realize that phoning while on vacation with other people was guy talk for “we are a couple”. NO IDEA. Needless to say, Dick and I did not last and I moved on… or maybe we are still in a relationship and I just don’t know it.

The point I am trying to make is; dating takes communication and common sense from both parties involved. You know what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me.